Monday, July 14, 2014

Best Couple Ever

A little while ago I asked that you spare us a minute and vote for us in a contest my husband was inspired to enter for "Best Couple Ever."

Very sweet of him, and very sweet of you to oblige us.

I've found myself reflecting on this notion of the "best couple", a silly notion, and a title impossible to bestow because although voting is anonymous, some of our generous friends and family have let us know we have their support despite being from very fine couples themselves.

Love is not a contest.
Marriage, as you may know, turns out to be this incredible, complex little thing, each one so unique that you can never truly know what it's like if you're on the outside looking in, and even the two people in question can spend a lifetime trying to figure it out . Even as insiders we sometimes struggle to uphold the very values and goals that we ourselves aspired to in the rose-coloured vows that we took. Married or not, any long-term relationship takes some work.

Love and marriage do not exist in a vacuum. Ours exists within a framework of all the successful relationships around us, and even the ones that have come to pass. In fact, I think I've probably learned more from the "failed" relationships, my own included, because these have all started out in the success column and slowly (or explosively!) made their way into the black. Is it luck? Experience? Willingness to look the other way? Settling? Grit? Fate?

I am probably too old and too married to still not really know what love is. I only know how it feels: like I'll take the bad times because of the good. Like I'll do whatever work is necessary to keep that fluttery feeling. Like I belong curled up in his arms. Like my life is terrific without him, but way better with.

Are we the best couple ever? Probably safe to say we are not. But we are getting better, because every day I hold his hand, and every day we still choose yes.


5 comments:

A said...

I think that's something that a lot of people don't understand about marriage/long term relationships. You have to choose it everyday.

Vest said...

Knowing the secret how to diffuse a sticky situation and be generous with ones unselfishness seems to work with my dear lady and myself. Rosemary tells me she loves me unpteen times a day so I must be doing something right after sixty one years of Marriage and living in five different countries. but eighteen years at our present address on the sunny Central Coast of NSW Australia. Today it is chilly (Midwinter) Midday temp 16-18 C.
A cool southerly up from Antarctica.
Thanks for calling on my blog. xx

Teena in Toronto said...

As long as you two think you are the best couple, that's all that matters :)

Jay said...

You're right, Teena - it's the loveliest coupling I could ask for. But I hope to always grow and grow and grow.

Vest, I cannot say enough what an admirable accomplishment it is to see anyone rack up those kinds of numbers. The rest of us are amateurs.

Jay said...

You're right, Teena - it's the loveliest coupling I could ask for. But I hope to always grow and grow and grow.

Vest, I cannot say enough what an admirable accomplishment it is to see anyone rack up those kinds of numbers. The rest of us are amateurs.