Monday, June 04, 2007

Bullets and Butterfly Wings

(or what I did this weekend, in no particular order:)

  • Learned what partially-digested, regurgitated feta looks like (fyi: pretty much the same).
  • Was asked by a man on the subway if I was part of the Rocky Horror Picture Show cast on Bloor. When I said that I wasn't he insisted that we "could be twins!" and I prayed that he wasn't talking about the transvestite.
  • Went bra shopping. Couldn't find what I wanted (invisible straps) so I bought one in "neon watermelon" instead because I figure if I can't hide it, I may as well show it like I mean it.
  • And this bra doesn't just show straps, either. Was told that my cleavage was "bordering on nipple" but when I readjusted I heard a disappointed "oh, no, that wasn't a complaint."
  • Took the time to caramelize some onions and was quite pleased with myself.
  • Hugged a friend who really needed it, and felt better myself.
  • Met an old man who likes to talk - heard about his illustrious night life bartending on Yonge, and how he once did lighting for Nat King Cole, and saw the mob dump a body with a chicken head in its mouth and piano wire around its neck, and was tipped a hundred dollar bill by Louis Armstrong for dry-cleaning his "costume" and once appeared in an Ann Margaret movie.
  • Discovered that it is entirely possible to drink a 750mL bottle of Ketel One in 3 hours, but quite inadvisable.
  • Dropped a phone on my foot, leaving a bump and a bruise shaped like Madonna in profile.
  • While the bread may very well be the freshest you've ever tasted, by the 5th or 6th time you gush about it, people start to wonder about you.
  • Suffered more hair-related-harassment.
  • Took hubby to a new doctor, whose receptionist\wife\amazon woman inspired confidence by being unable to "spell" our postal code, by repeatedly stamping upside down, then turning the stamp 360 degrees only to find, shocked, that it was still upside down, and by marking Jason as "female" on his chart.
  • Passed out on my porch around 2am.
  • Saw a man exit the Jehovah church, tip a box he was carrying, scattering hundreds of crayon-coloured butterfly wings to the wind (it was the most beautiful litter I've ever seen).

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