Monday, June 11, 2007

Neighbourhood Watch

When I left my front door, I walked a little over a kilometre in a north-westerly direction.
Here's what I saw:

1. A cocky restaurant.
Can a restaurant, or indeed, any inanimate object, be cocky? Well, if it festoons itself with banners claiming not only to have the best shish kebab in town, not only the best roasted pork in town, but also the best "potatoe omelette" in town. And frankly, it's a hole in the wall, and I can't help but wonder if it does so many things so wonderfully, how come the tables are all empty?

2. A cop on a motorcycle.

3. The cat in the picture belongs to the store. No word on if the cat is Russian, or for sale, for that matter. Every time I walk by the store is closed, and finally I noticed a hand-written sign that states that it opens by appointment only, so I guess you have to be pretty serious about your Russian Stuff.

4. A church asking for "young hearts" (18 months to 5 years) to be signed up for classes early. They like to get ahold of their souls while they're still young and impressionable. Brain washing, ahem, I mean, religious instruction is most effective then.

5. A plaza where you can get body waxing and fight your traffic tickets all in one convenient location!

6. A convenience store selling "dinning tables" that look like they fell off the back of a truck (literally) for $95.

7. The first of many internet cafes that cleverly and uncleverly use the @ symbol in their name - mice @ work.

8. The St. Simon religious supply store - which, according to fancy stencilling on the front window, sells: books, oils, power (power?), incense, and floor wash.

9. A billboard for Bud Light that says "1970s pimp smooth"...which is a good thing?

10A bar called U DRUNK.

11. A restaurant I mistakenly thought was Italian, and I mistakenly thought was a restaurant (check the sign), and that guarantees "niceness", which I think is an excellent thing to guarantee, but hard to measure.

By this point I had gotten to the library, thrown my books down the slot and finally noticed that rain clouds had blotted out the sun. In a matter of minutes it was almost completely dark, and the wind picked up street dirt and tried to deposit it in my eye or mouth, or both, and everyone else had the common sense to run for cover, but I kept on my merry way.

I was somewhere between the waxing\traffic ticket place and the mice @ work when it started to rain, which is not an adequately wet word for what actually took place. Oh sure I could have stood under the bus shelter and caught a ride home, but what's the fun of that. My sandals were already slippy and my shirt was already see-through, so what the hell? On I walked, seeing everything in reverse (except the russian cat, who had been let in). An old man leaned out his door to beckon me inside, which I thought was really sweet, but I waved and kept going, although when lightning was sizzle in the air around me, I sort of rethought it, but too late, so I sloshed my way home through instant puddles where I rung litres of water out of my bra and hair and so forth.

So my walk was cut short, as is this post, but believe me, it's not for lack of material but for fear of electrocution.

No comments: