Thursday, August 26, 2010

I'm Still Here.


Wow, it's been a while.
Here we are in the Bahamas, and yes, we did come back.
We came back engaged!
(That ring on my finger, though beloved, was replaced by a diamond that was waiting for me when we got back).
He got down on one knee on the beach, at midnight, on our 6 month anniversary.
It was perfect.


We have 2 pups: Herbie is amazing, as always, and Gertie is his constant companion. They love the dog park, the cottage, bacon, and each other.

I got divorced!
Sean, conveniently, is a lawyer, and infinitely patient.

So now we're planning a wedding (for February) but not before my little sister plans hers first!
Perhaps not surprisingly, it's her wedding that has me all emotional.
Suddenly, she is a woman, in love, beautiful, and ready to start a family.
I feel old.
But also blessed, and excited.

And tomorrow marks the 1 year anniversary of Rory's passing.
Grief has changed me. Life has changed me.


I will miss her always.
I remember her laugh, her fingernails, the way she pulled on a beer, the dizzying feeling of embarking on an adventure together.
I remember the day she got engaged and barely took the time to say yes before she called me up and demanded my services as maid of honour.
The wedding never happened, but now, planning mine, I feel her loss keenly.
I bought my wedding dress by myself because I knew that anyone else's presence would just highlight Rory's absence.
I know that she would be happy for me, and I know that I am absurdly happy for myself, and I know that happiness multiplies, and I feel that, every day.

24 comments:

Jeannie said...

Congratulations! I saw your picture on my list a couple days ago and was wondering what became of you. I'm so glad that life is treating you well now.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Nice to see things going well for you: Sláinte!

The District said...

Yay for marriage! Congrats!

kenju said...

You won't believe it, but just today I thought of you and wondered if you'd ever come back!! True, I swear!

I'm so happy for you, Jay!! You look great and so does he - and the doggies are cute!

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Congratulations on the engagement! It is good to hear from you.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Congrats Jay! I was worried when you went to Bahamas against medical advice but this just shows that doctors don't get it right all the time. Wishing you many happy years of marital bliss.

Mummy/Crit said...

Congratulations! I'm so glad to see you're still around and the medical advice was redundant.

Stacia said...

Yay for finding love again!!!! So happy for you and have missed reading your blog.

Liz said...

So, so glad to see a post from you again! Congratulations on your engagement!!

Grief is a funny thing. So different and personal for everyone. You are never the same on the other side.

Happiness abounds but there is always a touch of sadness too. Revel in the love and smiles.

Blue said...

Congratulations!!! It's been a long time...I missed your writing...your stories...your edge.

Jude said...

Welcome back honey! Boy were you missed around here.

Congratulations on your engagement, you look so happy. You know that Rory will be standing with you on your wedding day. :-)

tshsmom said...

Welcome back!!
It's refreshing to hear that someone's life is going well!

Jay said...

Thank you all so, so kindly.
I shouldn't be surprised to find so many beautiful souls still around all this time later.

Jude, I believe you are right.

Droog said...

You and a lawyer?!? It MUST be love...

The best to you and your beloved...

Teena in Toronto said...

Congrats on your engagement! I've very happy for you :)

Teena in Toronto said...

BTL, welcome back :)

Mark said...

Glad you made it back, and that you are sharing your life with someone special (wow, even Hallmark would have hated that one).

Now that you're back, my work's filters have become so restrictive that I can see the text in Google Reader but can't see the pictures or make comments in my browser.

So, as with many other sites that have been blocked, I will try to remember to check it from home.

LiVEwiRe said...

Life is a series of trade offs. Some we could never imagine living through, some we could never manage living without. You are dealing gracefully with both.

Wonderful to see you again!

K. Restoule said...

I'm glad things are going so well for you. I look forward to hearing more about it in the near future.

It looks like your future is so bright, you might have to wear shades.

Ok it was bad...but that's all I go. I don't need this pressure. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.

Mocha said...

OH, GOD. This is heartwrenching and yet I feel so compelled to say congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

Rory. What a beautiful picture of the two of you.

xoxo

zona said...

well I'll be damned. look who's back?

Jolynn said...

It has been awhile. Wow, we both got engaged during your absence. Congrats! You look great. Nice to have you back.

Jay said...

Thank you, Mocha.
I love that picture of R&I, but it's actually kind of gross. I'd worked the previous night until 7am, gone straight to a small heart attack situation, barely made it to my hair appointment, sat outside for a wedding in november, and was doing jaeger bombs before dinner. By the time that picture was taken i was sweaty from dancing and beyond tired, but it was a good good night.

NerdyGirl said...

I'm so happy for you, Jay!