Monday, November 01, 2004

The moment you turn away, I put fruit on my head and start a conga line.

Well, today was a pretty okay day, except for the incident in the produce section. Jason just had to find out what was inside okra. You can't bring that kid anywhere.

Tomorrow is when it gets really interesting because we find out just how dumb Americans are. I mean, obviously they were dumb enough to sort of elect George W. the first time around. But will they do it a second time? The whole rest of the world agrees that Kerry is the only real choice. Americans should just concede that this whole electoral process is above their heads, and let the rest of the world determine their presidents for them. But no, we have to let them take this decision into dumb American hands once again. Lord! Meanwhile, we're all sweating bullets because it appears that this race is actually a race! There's actually a competition, which means people are actually considering voting for George W. Now have these so-called republicans all been living under a rock these past 4 years? Because a lot of shit has gone on, and it totally seems like it's time to jump ship already. Now I admit that Kerry doesn't have the charisma of a great leader. But he has solid ideas, he's not a crazy war-monger, he speaks intelligently, and he seems to grasp basic political concepts. So you'd think that in comparison, Kerry would seem like God. George Bush is an idiot, even his supports acknowledge that much. One of his aides is always standing by to supply him with big-boy words, but it's never enough. You can dress him up, but as soon as he opens his mouth: idiot.

So I really hope that all this press I'm hearing about it being a tight race is just Ashton Kutcher's latest episode of Punk'd and by tomorrow evening George W. will be on TV going "Oh man, you got me good, I can't believe not one single person voted for me!" And then we can all share another laugh at his expense. I mean, that's all the man is good for, so we might as well enjoy it. The only downfall of pushing Bush out is that he makes great fodder on SNL. Meanwhile, we should all be making extra room for the throngs of Americans who will no doubt be running for cover in Canada should George Bush accidentally win again. But remember: if we do have an influx of Americans here, we should by no means ever EVER give them the right to vote here. They cannot be trusted!

1 comment:

Jay said...

Well, it happened, no one will ever quite be sure why, but the ass-clown won again. I don't have a lot to say on the issue. On the plus side, the american dollar will continue to slide and maybe Jamie and I can go for a nice dinner at the Ponderosa with our mighty Canadian dollar.

Read the acceptance speech here: