Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Adventures in Disturbia

This weekend, the little girl who lives next door was learning a song on her recorder. You know, those plastic flute thingies that cash-poor schools pretend are musical instruments? Her parents quickly grew annoyed with her and told her to go practice outside. The common outside. The outside we share with birds and trees and the childless couple next door who might want to enjoy their margaritas without the jarring accompaniment of the same 3 flubbed notes over and over. Note to parents: if you can't stand the noise your child is making, probably not a good idea to inflict her on the neighbours.

But this is a blip in what is otherwise a pretty decent neighbourhood. We don't even have much in terms of neighbours to contend with, as we have a protected forest in our backyard (which can never be developed, thanks to a certain species of bird who dwells there and sings ALL THE GODDAMN TIME) and in front of our house is an undeveloped piece of land that the builder who sold us our house told us would one day be a park We thought Oooh, park, some nice benches, a swing set, maybe a climbing structure if they were going the ritzy route. But for 2 years it's remained a fairly inoffensive pile of dirt. Until last week, that is,  when they started digging what looks to be so far a big concrete hole.

Dum dum dummmmmmm...

Yeah, we're hoping it's not a pool, but it's looking like a pool. Maybe it won't be a pool. It could be something else. Like anything else. Just not a pool. Please god do not let it be a pool!

Because the childless couple who don't really care for recorder rehearsals probably will also object to you know, 50 or so kids lined up and screaming for their turn on the diving board, the scent of chlorine and pee and popsicles wafting through the air, bunches of bicycles parked haphazardly across the road, swim lessons splashing away at 7am, children screaming from scraped knees and sunburns. And we can't even use the stupid thing. A grown adult simply cannot frequent a public pool without a child and not be labeled a pervert.

We love the neighbourhood for the exact reasons we sometimes roll our eyes at it - the parents accompanying tiny power wheels parades, the shy kids in unfathomable costumes at Halloween, the hectic games of street hockey, the little girl who rings our bell and asks to "check" our dogs. We're glad to live in such a vibrant, young neighbourhood. We just wish the kiddie pool was across from someone else's place. Fingers crossed. Will keep you posted.


Martini said...

My parents built a house very near to what was supposed to be a school. The homes that backed onto the proposed schoolyard paid approximately $40,000 extra for their "premium" lots.

Fast Forward 5 years and the shady builder attempted to cram more houses in there instead. After threat of a class action lawsuit, the builder gave up and a school was finally built. That was the long way of saying: You can still fight for things.

Jude said...

Good luck Jay! Maybe in the middle of every night you could go across and start filling in what they dug out, and keep 'em from ever filling the pool, LOL

kenju said...

I like what Jude said. I do hope, for your sake, that it isn't a pool. I know just how loud a flock of kids can be.

My son played a recorder and also a trombone. Guess which one I preferred?

A said...

Damn kids and their damn recorders!

Travis Cody said...

I live in Bellevue WA, across the bridge from Seattle. My condo is secluded and quiet...except for the homes behind me that take turns running gardening machinery every other evening, and the little tennis court sized soccer field in the complex next door.

Leaf blowers and soccer balls banging against the side of my condo...gotta love the suburbs.

jeanie said...

A friend and I once had a conversation about how leafblowers seem to find you when you are mentally needing no leafblowers in your vicinity.

I am sure recorders are the non-musical versions of leafblowers.

Missed you - so glad that my annual "I wonder how Jay is going" brought me so much manna.

So much has happened - not all good, but you are still here, still writing and still being pretty awesome. Thanks.

Jay said...

It's the same everywhere, isn't it?

Maven said...

The husband and I bought an end unit condo 8 years ago. We were sold on the alleged QUIETUDE of end units.

Out of all the green open spaces in our condo development, which also includes a swimming pool, club house, play ground, and a basketball court, where do you think all the crotchfruit of our condo development all prefer to play? YES. YOU GUESSED IT. RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BALCONY.

The only redeeming thing about this is during the wintertime, all the little crotchlings like to sled down the slope behind our building, and in doing so, slam full body weight into the iron supports for my balcony. No one says or does shit about this either. I'm hoping one day someone cracks their skull or breaks a bone, and then THAT WILL BE THE END of playing in this area.

In the warmer months, I have taken to hoarding the dog poo of a friend's dog, and strafing the area with dog poop (under the cover of darkness, mind you), making a veritable POOP MINE FIELD, which usually is effective at curtailing the crotchlings from congregating.

Also, fwiw, developers, Home Owners Associations and Condo Board Managers all should be strung up by their genitals and hung in the town square. Haven't met one of them who hasn't utterly disgusted me.