Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Uncontrollable Pervert

Have you ever known the shame of having to register as a sex offender every time you move to a new neighbourhood? Or had to haltingly explain why there's a big black mark on your criminal record? Or had to make excuses every Sunday night when you slip off to the meeting that (hopefully) keeps your dirty compulsion in check?

Yeah, me neither. But that doesn't stop LegoLand from assuming I'm a pervert and barring me from their property.

Now, I do not having a burning need to visit LegoLand, thank god. I didn't grow up playing with it and haven't picked up the habit as an adult, which is a good thing because LegoLand doesn't want my kind. In fact, they prohibit me, and others like me, from entering?

Why?

Because I don't have kids.
And you know what they say about a couple of adults with no kids...they have lots and lots of disposable income.
Just ask Disney World, who recently got a whole truck load of cash from us when we travelled down to Florida and spent a week visiting their parks, eating their food (and yes, drinking what booze they have), and even buying souvenirs for the littluns back home. In fact, and this will come as a shock I know, we even paid a visit to the Lego store in Downtown Disney, where we bought, among other things, a big, expensive container that you can fill up with all the little pieces your heart can possibly covet. We have ten nieces and nephews AND COUNTING. Some have already been the recipient of Lego gifts (especially of the Marvel variety, if memory serves), but don't worry, Lego. We'll go spend our money elsewhere so you don't have to take it from our dirty, molesting hands.


Look away! I apologize for the graphic nature of this photo. Sean is pictured with a dragon made of Legos and there are NO CHILDREN IN SIGHT. You can practically see the beads of sweat on his forehead from keeping his hands to himself when really he can't wait to accost some little kid coming out of the bathroom. He's desperate! What a despicable human being. Thank god he can't get into LegoLand. Your children are safe from Uncle Sean, giver of amazing piggy back rides, pretend eater of all the pretend pie you can pretend serve him, contortionist willing to shove his 6'6 frame into a tiny plastic house built for those 3 feet and under.


12 comments:

Ms Mac said...

Isn't that supposed to be Nessie, the Loch Ness monster? Come on, Jay! You'll be denied access to Scotland next.

Jude said...

Also greatly resembles "Ogopogo" in the Okanagan Lake! Well Jay you and Sean (you filthy beasts!!) will just have to spend your hard earned bucks where you aren't recognized for what you are. :D Oh and I love Sean's shirt!

K. Restoule said...

This is why I don't go to Disney movies in the theater. I keep expecting the Police waiting for me outside.

"Sir, why were you in the theater with a bunch of kids watching Frozen"

Um, it's because I want to keep my inner child alive. I still want to imagine, and dream. As I say many times. I'm trying to prevent the dying of my light.

LiVEwiRe said...

Seriously?! Next you'll be banned from Toys-R-Us. And so it goes for those of us without kids.

Maven said...

YIKES!

Vest said...

Are you really still in circulation. if so pay me a visit.

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