Tuesday, December 07, 2004

My Wife Could Beat Up Your Wife

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a guest blogger: my husband, Jason.
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with the following, so if it sucks, don't blame me :)

You know all those movies that have the line "I'm the luckiest man in the world"? Well, here's a little secret, they're not. I have it on quite good authority that they are not, because in fact, I am. I don't have tonnes of money, or a huge mansion, or even good looks, but I do have Jamie. All the little stories in this blog are true, I have the smartest, prettiest, funniest, sexiest, cookingest, spontaneous, way coolest SuperWife on the planet. She even has the tights, cape and SW emblem on her chest and everything, she even made the costume! Is there anything this girl can't do? Well, catch a ball. It's not that she can't catch a ball, it's just that she plain ol' refuses to. If a ball happens to be thrown in her general direction she usually just moves off to one side. So as you can see, flawless. This should come as no surprise to anyone either, because if you've spoken with her, you'll know what I'm talking about. I'm also lucky because I'm no prize pig, actually, if you lined me up in a contest with 49 other pigs I may get "Most Improved" or maybe "Most Punctual" but no blue ribbon in this pigs' future.
She puts up with all my little and big idiosyncrasies. She also puts up with all the typical guy things I do, like trying to hover that last piece of trash on an already overflowing garbage can to when I leave the toilet seat up, or worse yet, when I forget to lift the lid before using it. Living at my house is the funnest thing ever too, in case you haven't read the earlier blogs, even teeth brushing is an experience. We have entertained ourselves for hours on end just doing impressions of one another. Mine usually go like this, " I'm Jamie Lee, blah blah blah, do what I say, blah blah blah". Sometimes we even do rude ones too. We pick on each other more then most people could imagine. If one of us is not giving the other a hard time then something is wrong. I also have become exactly 900,548% smarter since marrying this woman. She knows about everything and is good at explaining it to me, even if she needs to draw pictures sometimes for me to "get it". She didn't even laugh at me too hard when I asked if "A Tale of Two Cities" was about France and Seattle. She just sat me down and explained why I was so wrong and how I should never tell anyone about this story. I have even been around when she got her degree at university, so sometimes I like to think that I should get some sort of honorary degrees or something, they give those things out like candy to celebrities. Yeah, this girl puts up with a lot of my shiat, even when I use words like shiat. If you're ever out on the town and you see a guy who looks like the luckiest guy in the world and he's with a major hottie in a corn stalk dress, just stop us and say hello, or even bonjour, YES, this girl even speaks different languages. Me, I only speak English, which if Jamie were here she'd be rolling her eyes, saying "barely". She's probably right too because I tend to use words like:

1.Shiat
2.Biach
3.Shibby
4.Wang
5.Tromboner
6.Wes-Ley!
7.Crapola
8.Tits
9.Hiya
10.Oopsie Daisy

So, yeah, in spite of all my nonsense she's always right there, taping my Simpsons, making me a delicious dinner and telling me why I shouldn't laugh at the following literary authors' names:

Honore de Balzac
Martin Wank
Mu-Chou Poo

She's pretty, yeah........ pretty terrific. And she's all mine.


-Jason-

P.S: Honk!

8 comments:

Jen Fischer said...

Hey Jay. I was sitting in class today at 8 am and I saw that you wrote a comment in my blog! This definately made my day because the only people I thought that looked at these were the people in my class. My professor announced it to everyone as well. So just wanted to say, thanks for taking notice to it! And I will enjoy reading you and your wifes entries!

transience said...

jason >> awwwww. that was really sweet. i better leave you kids alone.

jay >> did you hold anything sharp behind his back while he was writing this? *LOL*

seriously, you guys are great.

Monica said...

hey thanks for commenting on my gerber baby nephew Peters lashes

I just read the part in this entry about
last piece of trash on an already overflowing garbage can to my boyfriend David-and he laughed because he just threw out the trash like that, I refused this time!!!
I usually give in and do it, AND I DONT EVEN LIVE HERE!!!!!

Harry said...

Hey Shblade, Shiggity shiggity shwaa.

(Just to let you know, I am becoming quiet fond of Jamies razor-scarred legs and her willingness to parade them (and all else!) past my lil' screen here, so look. Don't leave any dirty dishes laying around, or I will have to file a report...in triplicate!)

She-Hulk said...

Those are some funny authors' names!

Jay said...

Haha, no I was not holding anything sharp to his neck, or threatening anything blunt to his head, etc etc.
Yes, Jason does have a knack for piling stuff in the garbage; there is always a pyramid on top of what I would consider filled to capacity, and he gets really creative on how to tower every last piece...I think he would rather get the duct tape out to stick on some extra garbage rather than take it out!
As for dirty dishes...my god. He hides them so I don't know that any dishes are dirty! Can you believe that?
And he thinks he can get himself out of trouble just by writing a semi-flattering story about me? Hah! He didn't even bring me any flowers!

:)
J

transience said...

my significant other doesn't believe in flowers. he's like, "they'll be wilting by the time i hand them over. i'll take you to dinner instead so we can both enjoy a great big juicy steak." gah.

Kris Singleton said...

By writing that, he has just made life difficult for the rest of us!!!! hahahahaha
"Sorry babe, I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world, but the internet says this Jason guy is......."

Is there any right answer???? hahahahaha

It's inspiring to hear of your love of your wife :)