Thursday, December 02, 2004

Ach, I Stepped in Veal

Luckily, Mayor Rudy G. assures us that stepping in veal in New York City is actually a very rare occurrence, and we have no reason to fear that such a thing might happen to us. But just to be sure, you should always wear shoes in NYC, even in your hotel room. Make that: especially in your hotel room. Don't you just love Rudy? He's a good guy, and I have formed that opinion based on his inspired cameo appearance in Anger Management. It almost makes me forgive him for being a Republican. Almost.

When I grow up, I want to be one of those ladies who carry little yappy dogs with them everywhere. God, that is so annoying and self-indulgent. But during the past year that I have not had a real job (and therefore, according to my darling mother, no real purpose to my life...gee thanks mom), I have been contemplating all sorts of different career choice, and quite a few appeal to me. I know the above is not technically a career, but it is an aspiration, so in my book, it counts.

The word niggardly is pretty funny. It sounds a little bit non-PC, so I hope it doesn't actually come from those roots. The dictionary says it means a mean, stingy person. Which is not funny. But the word still is.

So lately I'm going through this phase where I call everyone Matt. And I'm not really sure why, because even wracking my brains, I can't even think of a single person that I know named Matt, so it's not like I have Matt on the brain. I used to have this thing where I called Jason my sister's name (also a J), and called my sister Jason. But I think this is mostly when I'm yelling at them, and I seem to have gotten over this lately. I also went through this phase where I giggled constantly when I saw Jamie and Jesse at school. Jamie is one of my dearest friends, and in case you haven't noticed, Jamie is also my name. That's kind of how we met actually: a teacher at our school congratulated Jamie on winning a writing contest, and she was quite bewildered, not having even entered any contests. Eventually we figured out that people were confusing us (we also happened to be alphabetically listed one right after the other, our last names both starting with the same letter, and it being a really small school). So naturally we just became friends. Another friend of mine was Jesse, and as noted above, I have a sister named similarly. So for 15 years, when people said 'Jamie and Jesse', it meant me and my little sister. It blew my mind a little bit every time I heard those names referring to other people. Maybe that was a pathetic and pointless story. Sorry, Matt.

So last night held one of those crummy decisions that life is all about: to watch Jay Leno, or not to. Tom Green was on. I hate Tom Green. I hate him. This one time, I won tickets to go see Freddy Got Fingered from an Ottawa radio station (I know I know, someone from Ottawa should have a little more loyalty for Tom Green, right? Wrong!). I went to see this movie, and actually when we arrived, the radio 'personalities' were making grilled cheese. Then we went into the theatre, where I promptly won a gift pack, including the Freddy Got Fingered t-shirt, visor, soundtrack, and some other crap. Great! So I actually sat through the whole movie, mostly only because I was sitting in the middle of the row and I don't like being responsible for disrupting moviegoers. And the next day I wrote an angry letter to said radio personality asking for those 2 hours of my life back, and should that be impossible, then I would gladly accept tickets to the Survivor party they were hosting at SilverCity (this was back when Survivor was new and cool, like season 2, and the tickets were impossible to get). Well somehow, the guy wrote me back, told me to call in during the show the next day, and I actually got the tickets (sadly CBS shut down the party). But anyway, the whole experience was the final nail in the Tom Green coffin, after years of being not at all amused by his road kill hats, and pranks on his parents. So of course I want to change the channel when I hear that Tom Green is on, but also on: Adam Sandler, who is #2 on my list (#1 in my heart, shhh). Conundrum! Well, not really. I'll even watch Tom Green for Adam. But I won't like it. Ohhhh nooo, I will not like it.

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