Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Ladies and Gentlemen, a Giant Has Fallen

Oh he's smart, but not unbeatable. Ken Jennings, Jeopardy champ extraordinaire, finally met his match tonight, and I've been strutting around smiling ever since. I have nothing against Ken, he seems like a lovable nerd to me, but there are two reasons why I'm happy:
1. He was beat by a woman.
2. I knew the answer to the question that was his undoing!

Another thing I would like to discuss today is that I am apparently not the typical blogger. I was looking a few of them randomly, and through my astute observational skills, I came to 2 somewhat alarming conclusions based on my lackings:
1. I am not an Asian girl.
2. I do not feel the compulsion to write about how much I love Jesus.

I cannot stand the excitement any longer, and yet by my count, there are still 17 days left. 17 long, agonizing days, and I'm just not sure I'll be able to make it. I could collapse from excitement right now, and flop around on the living room floor, sweaty and salivating like crazy, but I guess that wouldn't make it December 17th any sooner, right? So all I can do is sit here pretending that patience is a virtue, for two and a half more weeks. Loooong weeks. But on December 17th, I will so be lined up, ready to fall in love with Adam all over again, in his new movie Spanglish.

God my hair smells delicious. I mean, how do people keep their hands off me? Just by smell alone, I must drive at least half the population absolutely bonkers. I'm feeling kind of turned on right now, and it's me!

Well, obviously British accents are quite appealing. It's the reason why Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, while not inherently good looking, make us North American ladies swoon. And there are a few words that British people use (that we, over here, do not) that consistently make me laugh:
1. Dodgy, as in "Boy that's a dodgy sweater you're wearing." And believe you me, dodgy is not a compliment.
2. Wonky, as in "Boy that 8th beer has made you pretty wonky." (shaky, unreliable)
I mean, where do these people come up with this material! Priceless!

Once in a blue moon, a new product comes along that just completely changes the way you live your life. I imagine that the washing machine was one of these products, because in the past a woman would have had to dedicate a good 10 minutes of intense elbow grease of scrubbing for each article of clothing. And for someone like me, who has so many nose bleeds and pepsi spills every single day, I could be spending my whole life down by the creek. And then a machine comes along that you just throw in your laundry and sprinkle in some soap, and ta-da. The TV was probably like that, and the car, and the fridge, and flushing toilets (flushing toilets!), the light bulb, the computer...well you can see where this is going. Imagine if you were alive when they invented the washing machine...would you be 100% happy, or would a part of you always be resentful for all the time wasted doing it the "old" way? Well, I have had such an experience, and I think nowadays it's rare to have a new product out since most of the latest things are either just improvements on old ones (usually only slight improvements), or else just plain crap we don't need that won't change your life at all. But then I found Clorox Wipes. That's right, you heard me: Clorox Wipes! I am a de-bacterializing machine! Raw chicken? No problem! Grody keyboard? Busted! Sticky remote control (listen, for the last time, I didn't mean to spill the juice directly on it, it just happened that way)? Wiped clean, my friend. You just pull the little rag thingy out, and Ole! If you don't have these wipes, you need them. Now I know that there's all this buzz about about all this consumerism being a bad thing, but take it from me, that's just drivel. Everyone knows that materialism and rampant spending are what drive our economy. So go ahead, and wipe away!


Jay said...

One time, after finishing a delicious slice of pizza, I had a little sauce on the corner of my mouth. Jamie lovingly wiped it away with a Clorox Wipe. This happened 2 weeks ago, I still have the hideous blister to prove it. Good thing her hair smells to damn good.


Jay said...

So sue me.