Monday, March 13, 2006

Leave A Comment Monday

In honour of my comment-addicted friend John, this Monday I am introducing a brand new fake-holiday henceforth to be called Leave A Comment Monday. Sounds catchy, no?

I've been reading Walt Whitman on the toilet lately. Sorry, Walt. I don't mean any disrespect, I just like the way poetry sounds when you read it out loud in the bathroom. It's all reverberaty and stuff. Shut up. That is too a word.

Potential Comment #1: Of what does your bathroom reading consist?

I have lately been overdosing on good Italian bread. I know bread has lately gone out of style due to carb-counting psychotics, but I love the stuff. Greatest stuff since sliced bread. Jason is always a little awed and a little afraid when I get my hands on any kind of dinner roll or crustini. Dinner rolls (or buns, as we called them) were a rare commodity during my childhood, and butter was even scarcer. We had no-name loaves and no-name margarine. When we went to dinner at my grandmother's, she'd have baked ham and meatballs, mashed potatoes, peas and carrots, salad....but my sisters and I would fill up on bread and butter. REAL bread and REAL butter. Now I have the opportunity to buy and eat as much of the stuff as I want...which is exactly why I don't, or not often. My will power with bread is zilch. I fear that I could sit down and tear chunks off one after the other, and not stop until I hit the bottom of the bag. It's a sickness, I'm sure. A terrible but delicious sickness.

Potential Comment #2: Of what food(s) are you secretly over-fond?

The lovely Ms. Mac has further proved her need for glasses by suggesting I bear a passing resemblance to Brokeback's Michelle Williams. Of course, now that I have shaved my head, I probably more closely resemble her baby daddy, Heath Ledger, also of gay cowboy fame.

Years ago, a colleague told Jason he looked like Joaquin Phoenix which is a load of baloney. I told Jason that Joaquin had nothing on him, but it wasn't until a few years later, when Joaquin started to become famous that Jason said to me "That's Joaquin Phoenix? I thought he was some chubby hispanic dude!"

Potential comment #3: To which celebrity, erroneously or not, are you most often compared?

I was wondering the other day....does anyone ever do the Glamour Shots thing and not regret it? Do we really believe that having a picture of ourselves with teased hair and a feather boa around our necks will add glamour to our measly lives? I cannot believe that someone got rich on this beastly idea, and I have never seen a Glamour Shot that I didn't laugh at...hard.

Potential comment #4: Fess up - ever had a glamour shot taken? Lived to regret it, or still frame it proudly? Brave enough to post a link?

I was thinking the other day that I had better write my own obituary, because if Jason survives me, I am going to go down in history as the lady who made good cheesecake, warmed hands expertly on my little lovehandles, and was overly vigilant about the 'no-crumbies-in-bed' rule.

Potential comment #5: Write your own obit in 10 words or less.

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