Sunday, July 09, 2006

Quarter-Life Crisis

When Jason turned 25, I thought to myself, gross.

25 is old (relatively).

It seems old.

It seems like one of those ages that you can never imagine yourself being when you're younger.

I found myself looking at him differently. I noticed his hairy legs, and his broad shoulders, and his beard, and again I thought, gross.

He's a man. Like, a full-fledged grown up. When the hell did this happen?
Here I've been sleeping with an old man and I didn't even know it.
I thought I quit that back in high school.

But no.
25 snuck up on him, and it would try to do the same to me.
So I cleverly resolved not to turn 25, and so far, I've done a good job of evading it.

But I have this uncomfortable, sticky feeling way down deep that one of these days it will catch up with me.

25 is scary because it means I can't keep using the same old excuses.
I'll have to come up with brand new ones.
It's time to reevaluate my life and take stock of what I've accomplished since I got out of school:


oh, that's right. Zilch.
How could I forget?

Well, maybe not nothing. Maybe something teeny tiny somewhere in there, like, replaced my toothbrush. 25 is that age where you have to start asking the big questions, such as:

What the hell am I doing with my life?
Where am I going?
What do I want?
Why did I think I'd look good in bangs?

You're supposed to stop coasting and start panicking. I don't make enough money; I don't know what city I want to live in; I'm not following a logical career path; I suck at relationships; I may never settle down; I'm not where I thought I'd be; green apples make me gassy.

According to wiki, the quarter-life crisis was named in this very city back in 1965, which, coincidentally, was exactly when the world started getting shitty. These days it doesn't matter how well-prepared you were, how educated, how dedicated...chances are, things are going to suck. You'll go into $50 000 worth of debt to get a diploma that earns you a $21 000 job, and that's if you're lucky. When you're 47 you should have enough student debt paid off to start thinking about a mortgage, but job security is low and turn-over is high so even that's a risk. Not that it matters - there's a housing crisis anyway, and unless you like to live with rats, you're out of luck.

Characteristics of this quarter-life crisis are:

  • insecurity regarding the near future...check.
  • insecurity regarding present accomplishments...check.
  • re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships...check.
  • disappointment with one's job...what job?
  • tendency to hold stronger opinions...impossible.
  • boredom with social interactions...check.
  • financially-rooted stress...check. CHECK.
Proof positive that turning 25 is for fools.
For the time being, I can still delude myself into believing that I'm still in my early twenties, still figuring things out, still finding my way. I will remind myself that I love my life, that I enjoy the choices I've made, that I treasure what I do and how I spend my time. My chequing account is almost usually on the positive side, and who needs savings when you've got a husband who surely won't mind working into his 80s anyway?

Forget all this grown-up stuff.
I''m going to take my Jason and go do what anyone going through their quarter-life crisis would:
visit George Jetson and take a ride on Dora Explorer Dune Buggies at Canada's Wonderland.

Age is only what you make of it anyway.

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