Sunday, January 16, 2005

100 Things About Me

So here they are, because for once I'm being a joiner and going along with the crowd, 100 things you never wanted to know about me, some of which even surprised myself.

1. When there is a scene in a movie with a man shaving, I can’t watch. I don’t trust that his neck will come out uninjured.

2. I have a big scar on my knee from when a boy pushed me while I was double-dutch skipping. When I came home, my mother yelled at me for ripping my new green jeans (yeah, I know: coloured denim, tsk, tsk).

3. I’ve had 2 poems and 2 essays published, and they’re all painfully embarrassing.

4. I wish I had brown eyes.

5. There was a lot of nudity at my wedding. I saw a lot of boobies. I, however, wore a proper wedding gown, something I NEVER thought I would do.

6. I started taking ballet lessons when I was 2 ½ years old.

7. I haven’t eaten movie popcorn since my friend Caroline told me about the fuzzy mould in the butter spout at the theatre where she worked 4 years ago.

8. Jason and I used to go to Mexi’s on Rideau and drink great big margaritas before doing groceries at 11am on Sunday mornings.

9. When I was a kid, I had a recurring nightmare that I was trapped in a circus tent that was on fire.

10. I know how to make balloon animals and hats.

11. When I was very young, I told my mother I was my school’s Carnival Princess. She excitedly told everyone. She soon learned that I had lied. She made me call my grandma and apologize for lying; my cheeks burned with shame the next 4 or 5 visits.

12. I don’t think Martha Stewart belongs in jail.

13. I don’t know how to apply eye-liner.

14. I’ve never so much as tried a cigarette, but my mother smoked throughout all 4 of her pregnancies. When I was young, I used to get every ear and throat infection going. My mother would blow smoke in my ear to make it feel better. Then one day she quit cold turkey.

15. I thought cold turkey actually involved eating lots of turkey.

16. I have some tattoos. Only Jason knows exactly how many. I want more.

17. I have a great big birth mark on my back, it takes up maybe a third of the real-estate back there; it grew with me. I used to love to have my sister trace the outline of it. Now you can barely make it out.

18. My favourite colour is pink. My favourite day is Monday. My favourite number is 8.

19. I’m addicted to learning.

20. I despise feminism; I’m a humanist.

21. I cannot primp in the mirror. In fact, I cannot look at myself in a mirror without making faces.

22. I used to have dozens of shoeboxes filled with ‘memories’: ticket stubs, fabric swatches, pictures, letters, other mementos. I have since learned to scrapbook those memories. I only have one shoebox to contain the present-day memories-in-the-making, and to date I have filled 12 scrapbooks.

23. My flair for the dramatic comes out in my personal appearance, whether it’s the blue hair, or the feather boas, it’s noticeable. I don’t blend in. I don’t like uniformity. No wonder my in-laws hate me. :)

24. I hate cell phones. I have owned 37 of them; my husband has worked for 3 different cell phone companies, and I still hate them as much as ever.

25. I’m overly sensitive and have a bad (short) temper.

26. I forgive too easily.

27. I’ve been proposed to twice; I accepted once.

28. I married my first love.

29. I’m very good at a lot of things, but if I’m not very good at doing something right away, I give up. I don’t like doing things I’m not very good at, like math, or most sports.

30. The whole socks and sandals thing really cheeses me off.

31. I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies, and I plan to keep it that way. I did, however, have Star Wars sheets, with Harrison Ford on them.

32. My hearing is horrible. Just having something near my ear can totally render me deaf.

33. I wore glasses for a while, despite having great vision. The problem was criss-crossed optical nerves, and the strain gave me migraines. I hated my glasses, primarily because my head is so small I have to wear children’s glasses. My first pair were Nintendo-brand, my second, Peanuts (as in Charlie Brown). This was so humiliating that I just stopped wearing them, and now I deal with the migraines.

34. I sleep naked but I have to sleep with at least a sheet covering me. On really hot nights, I arrange it so it still lies across my stomach, but not touching much else. I cannot do without.

35. I have a knack for remember useless things, but not my own postal code. If IQ tests were based on the TV-Guide crossword puzzle, I’d be set for life.

36. I get bored quickly. I have to multi-task all the time.

37. I make friends easily, and I tend to keep them.

38. I don’t like apologizing, mostly because I never think I’m wrong.

39. I’m a born walker. I can walk for hours everyday, and often do.

40. I’m a born reader. Lately I have embarked on a long list of the ‘classics’; I read about 130 books in 2004.

41. After 10 years of Catholic school, I realized that I don’t believe in organized religion.

42. I love cocky men.

43. I cannot put down a book or shut off a movie just because it’s bad. I MUST see it through to the end. I hate that about myself – what a waste!

44. I like kids well enough, if they’re cute, clean, and quiet…but I don’t want any of my own.

45. I wish I could experience pregnancy and childbirth without necessarily having a kid.

46. I hate my birthday, and I love everyone else’s.

47. I always describe myself as patient, even though it’s totally not true. I aspire to be though.

48. When I was little, I called my grandmother Eva Baby, and everyone thought it was pretty funny.

49. I rarely miss an opportunity to share my opinion, and I enjoy having an opinion that differs from most peoples’.

50. Most of the spelling mistakes I make err toward the French spelling since I first learned to read and write in that language.

51. I lather and rinse, but I never repeat.

52. I once threw up pink.

53. I remember my 3 sisters and I, all sitting in the back of a Chevette, singing along to “Barbara Ann” by the Beach Boys.

54. If I had a plot of land, I would plant myself an herb garden and love it dearly, but probably would be lazy about the weeding.

55. Women I find sexy: Penelope Cruz, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Selma Hayek.

56. I once sat on a caterpillar. I was 5, my mother was in the hospital giving birth, so my father drove me to my grandmother’s for her to pluck the pickies out of my bum. The car ride there was very painful.

57. I refuse to admit that 1995 was 10 years ago.

58. I believe that at this point, money WOULD buy my happiness.

59. Bands I’ve seen live: silverchair, Smashing Pumpkins, The Watchmen, Big Wreck, Tea Party, Creed, Foo-Fighters, Green Day, Moist, Bif Naked, Sloan, The Barenaked Ladies, Holly McNarland, Econoline Crush, the Killjoys, The Matthew Good Band, Blink 182, Finger Eleven, Treble Charger, Hole, Everclear, Wide Mouth Mason, Blur, Elastica, Collective Soul, Garbage, A Perfect Circle, Sum 41, Eve 6, Filter, Catherine Wheel, Deftones, and a lot more that I’ll never remember because I’ve been to all-day events, like Edgefest and Summersault…not to mention the dozens of times I’ve seen my favourite band, Our Lady Peace!!

60. I once got a skate in the mouth. It took out most of my front tooth, and lots of gum and lip. You can’t tell, but half of my front tooth was rebuilt.

61. I think small things are more polite. For example, I have a travel-sized mouth wash container that I refill from the bigger bottle, which I keep hidden in the cupboard under the sink. The same goes for a lot of things around my house. I also think it’s funny to see little things in Jason’s big hands.

62. Anyone who thinks milk is a mixer is crazy.

63. I can’t stand eye stuff. I don’t want to look at them, hear about them, admit that they exist. And for goodness sake, don’t put your contacts on in front of me!

64. I love Christopher Guest movies.

65. I used to have spiky hair. The spikes made slow-dancing interesting.

66. My first pair of Doc Martens are among my most prized possessions.

67. I’ve cried at every wedding I’ve ever been to, except my own. I made ‘no crying’ a very strict rule at mine. I am an ugly crier.

68. Kimi is my Hawaiian name.

69. I went up in a hot-air balloon ride for my 18th birthday. It was much smoother than I thought. ‘Landing’, if you can call it that, was the scariest part.

70. I know that blisters from a sunburn sprayed with champagne hurt like a bitch.

71. I wish I could play the piano.

72. When I was small, I was traumatized by an episode of Highway To Heaven when an old lady is almost eaten by a snake in your toilet bowl. To this day, I must look before sitting. Every time.

73. Some nicknames I’ve gone by: James, Mister, Spike, Jamiebear, Muffin Cups, and my personal favourite, just plain J.

74. I like the smell of skunk.

75. When I was in high school, I thought it was worth it to wake up 2 hours before the sun to do my hair extra-nice. By university, I learned to just say ‘fuck it’.

76. My parents always told me that I was adopted; they said they traded a bucket of chicken for me at a gas station on an Indian reserve.

77. I like plain cheese pizza.

78. I really, really, really want a pink KitchenAid stand mixer.

79. I think vegetarians who wear leather shoes/belts/handbags are hypocrites.

80. My mother never thought buying ‘those expensive cereals’ was important to our well-being, and I longed to try Corn Pops. When I was 17, my best friend bought me a box of them for Christmas. My sisters ate them all and I went without for another 4 years.

81. My first memory is of a punch bowl. Its contents are red. That’s it.

82. I will never be bored on my own. I’ve staged full-theatre productions just in the space of my own head.

83. I’ve also staged many productions outside the realm of my head; I wrote plays and performed with my sisters and cousins, including a musical review of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.

84. Apart from Joseph, I’ve also seem Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, and many others all before the age of 12 (including some Shakespearean production at the Stratford Festival Theatre).

85. I hate watches. When we went on our honeymoon, I made my husband leave his watch at home. He hasn’t worn one since.

86. I don’t like foods to touch on my plate.

87. I hate rough drafts. When some courses required them, I would just insert some errors and such into my final (and only) draft.

88. I don’t like using the phone. I really, really don’t like it. My close friends know to email me instead. If urgency is an issue, call and talk to Jason!

89. I can’t leave boxes unpacked. I need to get it all done right away. I can never leave anything until tomorrow. I am an organizer for sure.

90. I don’t like the taste of purple. Purple gum, freezies, candies, Tylenol, whatever, it all grosses me way out. I abhor grape juice. I like wine, and actual grapes.

91. I can read in the car. I can read anywhere, really, except in a library.

92. I know what a vas deferens looks like, and smells like when it’s on fire.

93. As much as I love to have my home well-organized, I also yen towards the chaotic (chaos is also one of my tattoos, by the way). When we play Monopoly, I don’t let Jason sort his money. I goop it all together, shuffle it all about, and it drives him crazy.

94. I am not fond of Monopoly. In what way can this be considered a game? It’s not even fun!

95. I don’t have a fear of heights. I do have a fear of falling. From heights. I don’t like to be picked up by my 6’1 husband.

96. My marriage certificate is in a language I don't speak.

97. I have clothing-claustrophobia. I can’t wear heavy sweaters. I can’t wear turtlenecks. I brave snowstorms in at most a hoodie because I abhor coats, scarves, mittens, hats, and the like.

98. I’ve never had a single cavity.

99. When I was prom queen, my hair matched my dress perfectly; both were pink.

100. I love making lists.


Jay said...

Thanks, Hannah. I will be sure to stay away from it!

Pops said...

Dammit, I was half-way enjoying myself up until #92. Thanks for re-triggering my post-traumatic stress disorder.

Stupid sense-memory.

Rimmy said...

4. I wish I had brown eyes

Bah. My eyes change colour - frequently. At least daily, and sometimes with mood. And I can be blue, grey, brown, green, gold... pretty much any natural colour other than voilet.

Sure, it sounds cool, until you realize that people consider your eyes a freakshow source of amusement.

So I don't know what colour your eyes are that you wish they were brown, but I bet they're better than mine. :P

Jay said...

Pops, I am terribly sorry to have triggered bad memories for you. "My" vasectomy was a very happy occasion for me!

And poor Rimmy ... I had a boyfriend once, who had one blue eye, one brown. That was trippy. And distracting. My eyes are icy blue/gray, and I wish I had brown because I always attracted to that myself, in men and women, and they just seem to make more of a statement. But then, I admit it's probably a 'grass is greener' situation.
When I met Jason, he wore green contacts, but his actual eye colour is this amazing gold colour, it's beautiful. Of course there are other reasons (listed) why I don't like contacts, but he looks so hot in his glasses, that's what I encourage him to wear all the time.

Corona Red said...

J - Awesome as usual. I so enjoy reading your blog.
I especially enjoyed the one about your grandma -- how fun to call her Eva Baby. As for me, I too would like to play the piano (71) and I used to be just like you wiht number 43. So, I started saying no matter what I was turning off the movie at a certain time. But, I couldn't stop myself from wanting to see the end. So, if it was on TV, I taped it. Then, if I really want to see the end, I'll watch it later. Most of the time, I find I'm good even if I don't. I'm the same way about books. I find it nearly impossible to stop reading even when I don't really care for the story. So strange.

So, why 100? What possessed you? It must have taken some time to put together.

Jay said...

Well, yes, it did take a while, but not as long as you'd think. I am basically a very self-loving person, so who better to write about? Maybe my next one will have to be about my husband...although I think in 100 items, there would be at least 40 that would cause him to tickle me mercilessly, and I cannot stand to be tickled.
I did it because I'd seen it a few times on other people's sites, and well, why not? I thought it was interesting to know such random, intimate things about strangers. It makes you feel oddly close to them for a moment.
Plus, it's just plain funny to see your life like that; just a series of screw-ups and laughter.

Unknown said...

Oh know fuzzy mold in the butter thing at the movies? My sidekick always brings home movie popcorn for me to munch on.

The alpha female in my pack works for an airline and she says there is lots of fuzzy mold in the cracks in the big hoses that lie on the ground bringing water into the plane's water tanks. This is used for coffee and when the bottled water runs out for ice water for passengers. So, careful with that I guess.

It really is amazing how many things you forget you know about yourself once you start thinking about it. Of course rethinking these things changes your thoughts about what you do next too. Interesting that this sort of thing seems to go some way towards explaining some of the loves and fears we don't understand about ourselves.

Am I rambling? 'Cause if I am, stop me. Like I said this morning to my sidekick - if you catch me rambling now, just tell me to stop typing because that gets really annoying to see text typed by a collie that goes on and on when he doesn't have anything to say really.

So don't hesitate to tell me then if I start to ramble in any comment I make on your blog. I can take it, really. Should I stop? 'Cause I really think I should. Or maybe I should delete some of this comment that doesn't really say anything. Anyway, I'm off to see if I can make a list like this. Nice that you're a humanist by the way, whatever that means . . .

- litol figgy - said...

ergh...the problem with 100 things is that there's so much to comment and react on.ÜÜÜ

...haven't finished drinking in the other stuff. :)

Jay said...

Don't worry Cal, I love doggies too.