Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Sock Drawer Drama

Today I like: bagels
Listening to: old-school Madonna

So the other day, I was sitting down, completely preoccupied with something, probably mail, or paying bills, or some such thing, and Jason was trying to hurry me out the door. To go nowhere really, but he wanted to get there fast. I was dressed and pretty much ready, but I lacked one thing: socks.

I don't know if growing up in the country made me this way, but I have an affinity for bare feet. I always leave socks to the last possibly moment. When I'm at home, I just don't bother with socks. Jason thinks this is weird, and he obsessively feels my toes. If he judges them to be cold, he'll go get a pair of my slipper socks, the Tweeties, or the Poohs, and put them on my feet.

So of course while I was sitting, trying to get things done, I was still barefoot.

"I still need socks hun."

I thought that would discourage him a bit, and back off. It didn't.
He went and fetched me some socks, knelt down, and started putting them on my feet.
Eventually, I looked to see what was going on down there, and saw that I was wearing blue socks.

"I can't wear blue socks."

"Why not?"

"Because, Jason, my pants are gray and my shoes are black. I have to wear socks that are either gray or black."

So he takes them off and goes back to the bedroom. Soon, I feel him putting a new pair of socks on my feet. Something feels very wrong.

"Jason, those are not the right socks."

"But they're gray, like you said!"

"Yes, but they're athletic socks. These are nice pin-striped pants. Those are very expensive, pretty shoes. I need dress socks."


So he bounds back to the bedroom, and I think maybe he'll just leave me alone now. I should know better.The next pair that I feel (and by feel, I mean that Jason doesn't know how to put socks on. Thank goodness we don't have children. He shoves and pulls and complains that girl socks are too tiny.)don't seem to be an improvement. Am I brave enough to look down?

"Jason, those are red! Red athletic socks!"

He looks up at me, a huge grin on his face. He thinks he's just pulled a great prank on me. What a goober.

He has the right pair in his pocket, and puts them on my feet. Well, not exactly the right socks. They're gray, but with white flecks.

But in almost 5 years with this guy, I have learned one thing: not to push my luck. I bit my tongue, grabbed my purse and headed out, towards nowhere. Fast.


Tara said...

You know...I have been home from work today for almost 2 and a half hours and I looked down at my feet and realized that i had been wearing two different socks all day. Like drastically different.

I think your sock drama traveled down here for a visit!

Jay said...

Poor Tara.
Jason does that all the time, not that he doesn't notice, but he doesn't care. I roll socks to put them away, he lets them all loose, so when he gets ready in the dark, he picks 2 at random. Good thing he wears his Docs a lot; boots are very forgiving that way.

{illyria} said...

i had this stage with socks. in college. i'd wear a pretty decent black ensemble. but if you pull my pants up, a pair of ferrari-red-ralph-lauren-socked feet would be screaming from inside my decent loafers.

citygurl said...

That is so cute of jason!!

Lately I've been wearing great big thick socks that I pull up to my knees because it's so damn cold all the time, and I have to freakin' walk everywhere. And usually my apartment is a suana, but during this "deep freeze" my heat hasn't exactly been working very well.

But generally I'm a barefoot kind of girl myself. Preferabley barefoot on a tropical island beach somewhere....

Brendon Donnelly said...

I totally got busted singin that Kelly Clarkson song in the car. "since you been gone." I should probably be embarrassed that I like that song, but, you know what, I’m not made out of stone, its catchy. you got me Kelly. In my defense, I only know the chorus. And basically I just like yellin out that "yeah, yeah" part.

wait, what? that’s got nothin to do with what we were talkin about. Oh yeah, I guess I see what you mean. But I don’t have as many sock anecdotes as you might think. except that it takes me twenty minutes to get dressed cause my dog thinks we're playin 'eat the socks'.

you like how I managed to work in a link to my blog. god Im a whore. a long-winded whore.

Woody said...

Don't you get cold feet?

Monica said...

My socks are always trying to escape, I catch them at the Laundromat hiding secretly on the side of the washing machine, thinking I don't see them....

I check obsessively for them, knowing they are trying to make a big break for it..

I lost a black sock that had on it in silver writing, "I've been bad..." I even posted a sign in the Laundromat that it ran away and just to leave it tacked on the bulletin board if found.

I checked for months, then 2 years later
(I still kept the other sock)
It came falling out of a sleeve of a big black sweatshirt!!

yes! it returned HOME! I was so happy! :)

My friend Keith at work sings the "REUNITED" song and slowly brings his socks together in an embrace!!

We used to discuss our sock loss at my old job, thats what happens when you hang with the same people for 16 years.

Dave said...

Is it just me, or is the affinity for bare feet almost entirely a girl thing? Speaking on behalf of the species, we guys are generally down with the whole sock phenomenon.

Unknown said...

hey jay,

this one's not about socks.

came across these qusetions, you might be able to have a little fun with them. what did you like best during the 90's:
Best Memory
Favorite Lunch Food
Favorite School Event
What Was Your Favorite Song/Group
Favorite Class/Teacher
What do you NOT miss about High School
*If you have other questions add them*

BeckyBumbleFuck said...

You two are absolutely, unbearably adorable! I like these stories...

Corona Red said...

It is not a girl thing. Personally, I love socks. Specifically, I love black dress socks with designs on them. I like my socks that have a Dolly Parton look-a-like on them lassoing a cow. I love the red and blue roses pair. I have theme songs for most holidays.

I also feel like I am freezing all the time. In the winter, it's cold outside. In the summer, the air conditioning freezes me out sometimes.

So, I'm a happy sock woman!

Chick said...

A man who will put your socks on for you?!

Do you know how lucky you are?!

amy said...

Yeah, I'm with Chick, you are pretty lucky to have a guy who'd put your socks on for you. Mine sure as hell wouldn't. Then again, I can't really stand to have my feet touched because they're so ticklish. Still ... I might not be so ticklish if someone wanted to constantly be nice to my peds!!! :)

Jay said...

Trans, that does not surprise me about you :)

CG, let's just say, totally agreed on that last one.

Brendon, I thought I told you to never drink and blog!

Woody, actually,I do get cold feet. I used to be always warm, my mother would come home with frozen fingers and warm them up on my tummy. But ever since I had mono in 2000, it wrecked my body's temp regulator. My toes, fingers, and nose are always cold, but I have a hard time telling.

Monica, I think I speak for everyone when I say I'm glad that story had a happy ending.

Corona, I had a friend like you, Anna. I don't know if she'd consider it herself, but I always thought she was a bit of a sock fiend. Maybe it just seemed that way to be, but I swear she always had fancy socks.

I'm not sure, but I think Jason used to be a servant in another life. I grew up the oldest child, so I'm used to having everything done for me. I would probably have grown out of it by now, but Jason grew up an only child, and he's fascinated by all things he never had.He could spend hours laughing at the stuff in my sock drawer. It's all a mystery to him. But I do make him give me foot rubs on an almost nightly basis, so I guess he's used to the foot thing. :)

Sloop said...

If my wife asked my to put socks onto her feet, I'd straight up tell her "Pull your head out of your ass!".
It sounds like a really nice thing for your man to do, though.

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