Saturday, January 22, 2005

Dang !

Well, last night contained a lot of the usual up to a certain point: loud music, expensive drinks, getting hit on by guys who have no business doing so. But then, just a little past the witching hour, the DJ changed up, and it was time to go. A bunch of Jason's friends followed.

For security reasons, I am unable to tell you what happened next. Let me just go help myself to a mid-afternoon screwdriver ... okay, now I can tell you what didn't happen last night:

After leaving the above scene, we most certainly did not all end up at some dude's house, not having purchased several grams of the good stuff.
We did not consume it, voraciously, and then immediately decide that pizza was necessary.
We did not attempt to watch Napoleon Dynamite under these 'heightened' conditions, and it was not gut-wrenchingly funny.
No Napoleon-inspired dance-off was then initiated, leaving me to be the judge between 10 guys who should never, ever dance.
Wait, was there a llama in that movie?
Then, we did not venture outside to check out the tupperware under the wheel theory, and we didn't sit in the snow guffawing at the results.
This did not produce an all out snowball war between underdressed 30-year-old kids, playing in the glow of the streetlight, trying to smack each other in the face as hard as uncle Rico's steak.
And we certainly didn't decide that even a dumb movie like Dodgeball would be funny last night. It did not play in the background as a quick game of strip-Twister was played out until someone lost all of his clothes. Then, said Naked Guy did not have the indignity suffered of having his clothing thrown out the window, and having to retrieve them himself, then sit around naked while it tumbled dry.
Goldschlager was not brought out to do shots every single time Ben Stiller annoyed one of us (which did not result in the bottle being quickly drained).
The Goldschlager did not trigger some PTSD in me about the time Jimmy told me that the gold flecks were actually little fish, many of which were now swimming around in my tummy. This hallucination did not trigger a small freak-out on my part.
No sex was had where no sex should ever be had.



amy said...

That's awesome, Jay. I wish I wouldn't have been with you to not spend that kind of Friday with you!

Phillip said...

That's super. Last night I didn't sniff a Marks-A-Lot to the point of licking the wall. And instead of getting naked, I tried to wear every piece of clothing I had and lost a shoe.

Jay said...

After all that, I'm certainly glad I don't have any sort of hangover this morning. And I did not feel like driving our car off the highway everytime the sun got right in my eyes causing blinding pain. Yes sir-ee, I'm glad this isn't happening at all.


Jay said...

Amy, you are not invited any time you want.
Phizz, sounds interesting, glad it never happened. The wall is not your friend. As for all of the clothes, at least they were yours, and at least no sweaty lunges were involved. Take care.

Champagne Mafia said...

Wow! I'm glad none of that happened. It might've been a good time had by all.

Monica said...

ummmmmmmm , Im glad im not in my 20's and early 30's anymore..................

I remember days like that !!!! :)

we are old farts, David BARELY drinks...EVER, I had 2 YES 2!!!! glasses of wine tonite, I AM OVER THE EDGE BABY!!! WATCH OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vics said...

LMAO - I'll bet you're secretly dissapointed that all that didn't happen - well, except the strip twister... one girl and 10 guys...? over 30..? *shudders*
You have a stronger stomach than me missy, thats fer damn sure!

Brendon Donnelly said...

Ha! reminds me of my night. I DID go to bar, get rejected by a bunch of chicks, come home, download porn, and then cry myself to sleep.

/ wait. I might not fully understand how this DID - DID NOT thing works

Harry said...

This worries me. I can see now that I did not leave the first post like I was sure I did. Not. Something. I have to go. Or not. Maybe. Is it just me? Hello?

Kris Singleton said...

That's a shame. Sounded like it would've been fun
At least you were responsible *off to find people who DO do that*

citygurl said...

It's a very good thing none of this ever happened. I would have been very unhappy to have not been invited to the DANCE-OFF inspired by 'the funny stuff'. VERY UNHAPPY. But since it never happened, we're all good. But just in case it DID happen, you can make it up to me by sending me over some of that 'good stuff'.

Jay said...

Monica - whoa, slow down. 2 glasses? Boy do you know how to party. :)

Vics- Some things just seem like a good idea at the time, or at least that's what you tell yourself when you can't find your shirt.

Brendon. Uh, sorry bout that. Maybe it's best if we all pretend not to have read that.

Harry- Yes, it's just you. Sorry hun.

CG - You should have been here, I could have used help judging the dance-off, or at least in keeping a straight face. If you haven't seen Napoleon Dynamite, you haven't seen his dance moves, so you just can't know. If you have some spare time, rent it, everyone. There's no plot, no point, but dang,it's funny.

BeckyBumbleFuck said...

Good you fearlessly plod on and relate all these things. I'd be diasappointed, otherwise.

Erich said...

Thank you for that post. I just have to say that if any family or potential associate happens to read the above ("for security reasons"), I think your reputation is safe.

Robin Monroe said...

OMG - you are a girl after my own heart!! This sounds remarkably like what I did on New Years Eve, er...i mean what I DIDN'T do! Though if I WOULD'VE done such things, it probally woulda been hella fun!! But alas, as I am part of the 30ish crowd myself, the craziest my crowd ever gets on a Saturday is a really close game of checkers. "King Me, Bitch!!" (The 'triple jumps' get interesting!)