Friday, March 09, 2007

Friday Fuckfest, Canadian Edition

Why does Canada breed so many hotties? Is it the smoke in our stacks, the mercury in our fish, or the fact that we fuck in the cold?

Nobody knows why, and nobody really cares, not when there's eye candy around.

1. Hawksley Workman
"Bringing the sex back to sex, drugs, and rock & roll."

When I first fell in love: Striptease, which will forever remind me of walking to work on the way Parliament, past the condo building across from the Rideau Centre that never got finished the whole time I lived in Ottawa (the fence was covered in posters).
Why I stay in love: Smoke Baby is the sexiest song I have ever heard. No Sissies is a great, fun car song, cranked up to 11. Even an Ugly Man is perfect for naked slow dancing with the lights down low (these are good tunes people, check them out).

2. Rachel McAdams
"It's the freckles, isn't it?"

When I first fell in love: Wedding Crashers...sorry, I've never seen any of the others, but she's just adorable in this. Three female generations of my family wept over the Notebook, which was all the reason I needed to avoid it forever.
Why I stay in love: The combination of sweet & sexy has proven irresistible since the dawning of time - and this girl has it in backhoes ( because backhoes are bigger than spades).

3. Ryan Gosling
"Practising the smouldering look since 1984".

When I first fell in love: Good lord this is going to embarrass me. He apparently grew up in the same small town as I did (though surely neither of us freely admits this), and I was familiar with his name from the local newspaper back in his days from the Mickey Mouse Club with Britney and Justin. But I didn't come to know him until the days of Breaker High - the cheesiest piece of crap on TV at 3am while I was in high school. He was skinny and dorky, but when you can't sleep, you can't sleep.
Why I stay in love: Well, he's filled out quite a bit. That's a good start. And Half Nelson proves he's as brilliant as he is beautiful.

4. Nelly Furtado
"Like all Canadian women, knows how to rock a parka."

When I first fell in love: Back when she was like a bird and just wanted to fly away. She was the freshest face on Much Music, and had lyrics and music that represented our country's cultural diversity.
Why I stay in love: Though her music has become a safer brand of pop of late, she's a veritable yummy mummy, and still knows how to shake it.

5. Ryan Reynolds
"Inspiring Alanis's sexiest angry breakup songs to date."

When I first fell in love: A little TV show called Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place (later they lost the pizza place). He was the adorable Berg, and he gave me a reason to stay in on a school night.
Why I stay in love: When your husband forces you to watch a little blood-bath called Smokin Aces, this guy makes it bearable.

6. Carly Pope
"Making the unpopular, popular."

When I first fell in love: Popular, a great, short-lived TV series, where she somehow made unpopular look cool (not to mention, hot).
Why I stay in love: Haven't seen her recently, read that she's in school, which is the smartest thing I've heard all day. Good on ya, kid.

Okay, so once in a winter solstice we slip up and produce some ugmosity, but Canada still has the highest cuties per capita ratio in the world. The next time you breed, you should think about that. I mean, the biggest favour you can do your kids is being Canadian yourselves...but if you can't be Canadian, then at least make travel plans during ovulation, and make love on our fertile lands....your kids will thank you.

Joyeux vendredi, tout le monde.

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