He said, She shouts.

Jamie says

Jason says

Jason, did you shave in my panties?
What? No!
Well then who did? This looks suspiciously like your whiskers in my panties.
Oooooohhhh, well, you left your panties in the sink. Not my fault.
I was washing them! Couldn't you have maybe moved them before shaving?
Well....
Well now I'm going to be walking around with your prickly beard in my crotch all week!
You like it.

****************

Did you do something different with your hair?
No.
It looks different.
No it doesn't. I didn't do anything to it today.
Yes you did.
What, this? These are just the sex tangles left over from this morning.

Oh. So....I did it then?



***********

Ohmigod, take this wooden spoon away from me!!
Why?
Because ever since I picked it up this afternoon, I've been tapping it all over the place.
Should that have made sense to me?

I mean, I used it to tap some Johnny Cash in the sink, and then I tapped some JayZ on the frying pan, and then I tapped Blondie on the spice rack and Cheap Trick on the light fixture.
And don't forget the Finger Eleven on my ass.
Oh yeah. I totally tapped that ass.

************

So I'm talking on the phone to my friend Mer, who obviously finds me quite boring as she is doing a crossword while listening to my tale of having eaten my weight in dill pickles this week. She asks me what the largest human muscle is.

Hmm. I'm not sure....Jason!!!
What???

What is the largest human muscle?
It's right here, baby, come take a look!
You know, I can't even see you, but I'm pretty sure I know what you're pointing at.


************

Ahhhh!
What's wrong?
Ahhhhhh!
What's wrong?
I'm freaking out!
Well, I can see that, but why?
Ahhhhhhhh!
Did you spill pepsi on the couch?
No.
Did your knee seize up?
No.
Did someone on TV say 'funky'?
N - actually, yes. That's exactly it.
Shhh, there there, it's going to be okay.