Monday, March 05, 2007

Monday's Dilemma

I was honest-to-goodness being productive today.
Like, cleaning and stuff.
Is there anything worse in the world than cleaning a toilet?
Well, apart from cleaning someone else's toilet, I mean.
Jason, in response to my moans, sometimes offers to just call a service and have a cleaner come in every couple of weeks.
Except I don't mind the light housework, and I would never let another person touch my dirty things.
My dirty sheets are private.
And my toilet, well - that's privater!

I won't begin to tell you the kinds of disgusting things that goes on in there, but suffice it to say: yuck. I hardly want to scrub it myself, but I guess there has to be some downside to having bowels.
But would I ever invite a stranger into my home and ask this person to get down on their knees and get elbow-deep into the worst, most vile place in the world?
That is NOT the kind of relationship I ever want to have with another human being.

So I did it myself, and then I did the dishes, and the laundry.
And then I made myself a sandwich and really enjoyed it too.
And then I thought to myself: did I remember to wash my hands after I scrubbed the toilet

Well, did I?
Did I wash my hands?
This is not the sort of thing a person should lose track of.

I squirted the bowl full of the blue goopey stuff.
I used the long-handled brush thingie, and tried not to clean so hard that it kicked up toilet water in my face.
I sprayed it down with anti-bacterial cleaner...
and then....
washed my hands?

God I hope so.
Because now I've made and eaten food.
With my hands, my bare hands!

So I sat for 20 minutes trying to remember, and hoping that I didn't just give myself e-coli (how embarrassing...if I have to go to the hospital, I'm blaming Taco Bell).

How's that for a dilemma?
But you know what they say...
when life gives you dilemmas, make da-lemonade!

That's so funny.
And I didn't just make that up, either. That's a hardcore Danny Tanner quote for you.
Because if you think sitting around wondering if I've got fecal fingers is bad...yes, I watch Full House reruns too.

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