Friday, March 30, 2007

Friday Fuckfest, Hunks of My Youth

Today's post is brought to you by the letter C, for all the cheesy 80s sitcoms that inspired the posters that adorned the unicorn wallpaper of my childhood bedroom.

Kirk Cameron.

Were there any sweeter words to my 8 year old heart?
Not even when a pre-pubescent Leonardo DiCaprio joined the cast of Growing Pains did my crush diminish.

Of course, if I had been a more avid Tiger Beat reader, I may have fallen out of love a little quicker: not only did he stop growing when he was 12, not only is he a vegetarian with 6 kids, but he's an ardent member of the Christian Right.

Oh well, I still standby my claim: in 1986, Mike Seaver was the shit.

Sure Rudy was a cutie patootie and Cliff's sweaters were da bomb, but there was on reason we watched The Cosby Show so faithfully, and that was Denise.

Lisa Bonet played the sexy and surprising bad girl of the Cosby household, and boy did I love to watch her dance around during the show's opening credits.

But then she very carefully shattered her girl-next-door image by posing naked and slurping all over Lenny Kravitz, which killed her career but inspired chubbies all over North America.

Charles in charge of our days and our nights...
Oh, if only Charles had been in charge of me. But no, my babysitter was a weirdo who once fed my sister plant fertilizer, who ate it because she "thought it looked like cotton candy." True story.

But I digress. Scott Baio was the epitome of "teen idol" and through the magic of syndication, you could get your fill of Charles (and Chachi) whenever I wanted.

And I sing, I want,
I want Charge in Charge of me.

Okay, so I was a little infatuated with Tony Danza too, but the real hottie of Who's The Boss was without a doubt Alyssa Milano.
She started out on the show as a bit of a tomboy, but Sam quickly grew to be a true vamp.

I remember that I got my first training bra the same week she did on the show, and then, week after week, we seemed to watch her fill hers out. Hubba hubba!

And finally, what list would be complete without the awe and adulation owed to Uncle Jesse?

John Stamos was the P.I.M.P. of Full House, and every little girl thought she'd grow up to marry someone just like him (and preferably, him).

We loved him when he sang, we loved when he channeled The King and swivelled his hips, we loved him when he revved his motorcycle, and damn, we even loved him despite his mullet.

....Have mercy!

Truth telling time: who were you crushing on when you were a kid?

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