Tuesday, March 20, 2007

This One Goes Out To The One I Love

Dear Jason,

You're still the one. You're the only one.
You're the man who matters in my life.

Loving you is a physical sensation, like rocks in my chest, rubbing against each other, throwing off sparks. My heart is an organ I can actually feel when I think of you; it grows larger when you're around, swollen with all the good times and the bad, both equally precious because it's you.

Sometimes you are so quiet you scare me, but when you do speak, your words are like gifts. Your compliments are meaningful; when you say I'm beautiful, I flutter. When you say you love me, I know I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

I still choose you every single day, and I want to be the person you keep choosing too. You are the wisest choice I have ever made, and I will spend the rest of my life living up to it.

I never thought I could be with just one person, but from the moment I put my heart in your pocket, I knew it couldn't be any other way. I want always to be beside you, where the world makes sense to me just before it melts away.

You kill me with your kindness, you always have. It makes me proud to be attached to your goodness. You are without a doubt the best part of me, and when you put your arms around me and tell the world I'm yours, I can't imagine that anything else exists.

You are the strongest man I will ever know. You love me so fearlessly, even when you don't understand me, even when you don't know the best course, even when you think I've lost my fucking mind. I know what you've given up, I see the sacrifices you continue to make. If I am to be successful in this life, it will have been to make sure that I am worthy.

I remember the first time we kissed. Your lips were so soft, you tickled mine with yours and I was instantly on fire, and then you crushed me with them, and I wished that they would never leave my body, and they never have. When my lips are bruised from yours, I wear the bruise like a badge of honour.

You are the only protection from the world I will ever need. I see that you hurt when I hurt, and it touches me. You will always have my back, you will always defend me, you will always put me first. I don't think I really understood trust before there was you, but now I feel it as firmly as I feel your hand when you guide me through a crowded room.

I lose hours of my day just thinking of you, devising new ways to get your hands on my skin, wanting to belong to you, and be longed by you. I want to feel your breath in my ear and smell your scent on my sheets and see the lines around your eyes when you smile.

Your laughter is the only reward I will ever need to earn. No amount of money, no awards ceremony will ever compare.

I didn't know what I had at first, but I sure am glad you talked me into loving you. I am a strong and independent woman - I could live without you, but I know with certainty that I wouldn't want to. You make every day worth getting up for. I laugh more, I sing louder, I have more joy than I know how to fit in our little apartment. I know it overflows, I can tell by the way other women look at me when we're walking arm in arm. I don't blame them. Seven years later and I'm even more attracted than I ever was before. It still thrills me to touch you, and be touched by you. I wasn't looking for you, but I found you anyway, and though you know I'd do anything to keep you, I'll never have to, because I'm already the only one you want.

You are the reason I know god exists. Love like this is no accident. But it is overwhelming sometimes. I think about the past 7 years, and how lucky I've been, and then I marvel that we might share another 70, and I can't begin to imagine what they'll bring, but I know that as long as we're together, life will be an adventure worth having.

I love you. I know I don't say it often enough, I hate the mush, I hate to cuddle, I hate being a sop. But I do love you, immensely. Bigger than there are words to describe.

I love how you prop my book up on a special pillow so I can read in bed without taking my arms out of the nice warm blanket.

I love how you always ask if I want seconds before emptying the pot onto your plate.

I love your broad back, the muscles in your shoulders, and how tender you can be despite how strong you are.

I love how you make your decisions according to the pout of my lips.

I love how you yell at the cable company so I don't have to.

I love that my love is still razor-sharp, that we still share adventures and repel the dullness that often comes with time. I know it hasn't always been easy. I hope it never will be because these are the happiest hurdles of my life. I want to share them, and everything, with you.


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