Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Jason bought me an ugly coat.

Jason does not all that often bring home surprise presents. He brings me flowers when we're fighting, apparently so we can both watch them die as I let them rot in their cellophane. But random gifts of clothing? Not so much.

So when he brought home a coat, of all things, for me, I thought either:

a) He's screwing his secretary.

b) He's gone soft in the head.

c) He was walking by the store, thought, Jamie would like that jacket, and just fucking bought it.

Now, in the case of a), I'd have to say that a coat is a very poor distraction tactic. And aren't diamonds more traditional? But then, Jason doesn't have a secretary.

However, I must rule out b) because Jason's head was soft when I got him. And c) seems equally unlikely since he does have a penis, and that's just not what men do. So I keep coming back to the boinking-someone-else theory because it makes the most sense. However, all of this seems irrelevant when considering the fact that this coat is ugly. Ugly. I hate it.

I mean, it's kind of puffy, and really short, and it has snaps, for fuck's sake. Snaps.

So what do I do?

Do I tell him that this is the ugliest fucking coat that I have ever laid eyes on, or do I smile politely and stow it way far back in the closet and hope he forgets about it? Oh who am I kidding? Of course I'm going to tell him it's ugly. If I don't return it, I'll just end up donating it to some charity completely unworn in a year or two, and I wouldn't wish that thing on even the coldest, poorest person in the city. Plus, I'm just not that considerate of his feelings.

On the plus side, he also bought me a shirt that my tits look really great in....hmm, he must be up to something after all.

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