Don't eat the green banana.
If I could go back in time and whisper into young Jay's ear one thing, that would be it.
Fingers don't go in sockets.
Never cut your own bangs.
Crayola doesn't taste as good as it looks.
Yup, I could come up with a multitude of things to tell little Jamie, and she would have grown up the much wiser for it (and with straighter bangs). But that's not the way things work. You learn the hard way, and I guess that's what makes life interesting. But just for the heck of it, here goes nothing.
Jason and Pedro
Dear Jason: If you stop eating dirt, you might make a real friend. You've got about 2 more years left of this friendship before Mom starts to worry.
p.s. This might be the first Mexican you ever met, but they don't all look like this. Try not to stereotype.
Dear Jamie: In 20 years, when your pig-tails are all crooked, it's because you're drunk, not because Nanny has bad sight. And also, since Mom is in the hospital having another baby sister, you'd better learn to do your own hair. She'll tell you not to worry, there's plenty of room in her heart for all of you, but what she really means is "you're on your own."
Dear Jamie: One day, you'll have a little less belly and a lot more boob, but you'll never again wear a bikini with so much confidence. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Jason in Florida
Dear Jason: You're not European. Lose the Speedo.
Dear Jason: If you don't lose the boat shoes and the mullet, you'll never get laid.
Dear Ballerina: One day you'll be dancing on a speaker in a skirt just as short, leering at some half-naked football players, and except for some dizziness, you'll be much happier. But watch out for the bruised legs - right now people attribute it to playtime, but when you're older, people will speculate something else entirely.
Dear Baby Jason: You'll grow up to love sleeping cuddled up to a woman's bosom. Just take care that it's not always your Mom's!
Dear Jamie: White fur boots are for whores.
So, friends, if you could go back in time, what savy advice would you give to yourself?
Jamie and Jason from the future