Thursday, February 10, 2005

Corrupting The Minds of Children

Don't eat the green banana.

If I could go back in time and whisper into young Jay's ear one thing, that would be it.

Fingers don't go in sockets.

Never cut your own bangs.

Crayola doesn't taste as good as it looks.



Yup, I could come up with a multitude of things to tell little Jamie, and she would have grown up the much wiser for it (and with straighter bangs). But that's not the way things work. You learn the hard way, and I guess that's what makes life interesting. But just for the heck of it, here goes nothing.



Jason and Pedro


Dear Jason: If you stop eating dirt, you might make a real friend. You've got about 2 more years left of this friendship before Mom starts to worry.

p.s. This might be the first Mexican you ever met, but they don't all look like this. Try not to stereotype.


Little Jamie

Dear Jamie: In 20 years, when your pig-tails are all crooked, it's because you're drunk, not because Nanny has bad sight. And also, since Mom is in the hospital having another baby sister, you'd better learn to do your own hair. She'll tell you not to worry, there's plenty of room in her heart for all of you, but what she really means is "you're on your own."



Jamie

Dear Jamie: One day, you'll have a little less belly and a lot more boob, but you'll never again wear a bikini with so much confidence. Enjoy it while it lasts.


Jason in Florida

Dear Jason: You're not European. Lose the Speedo.


Little Man


Dear Jason: If you don't lose the boat shoes and the mullet, you'll never get laid.


Ballerina


Dear Ballerina: One day you'll be dancing on a speaker in a skirt just as short, leering at some half-naked football players, and except for some dizziness, you'll be much happier. But watch out for the bruised legs - right now people attribute it to playtime, but when you're older, people will speculate something else entirely.



Baby Jason

Dear Baby Jason: You'll grow up to love sleeping cuddled up to a woman's bosom. Just take care that it's not always your Mom's!



The Boots

Dear Jamie: White fur boots are for whores.



So, friends, if you could go back in time, what savy advice would you give to yourself?


Love,
Jamie and Jason from the future
xo

5 comments:

Fidget said...

I la la la la love the smell of crayolas and how lovely the mega super duper pack looks when it's brand new.. I like banana's with a bit of green on em, totally with you on the light socket thing (shudder). I wish i had been forewarned about the different between chocolate and unsweetened cocoa powered - oh barf! Jay don't tell me that Pedro is standing sentinel in yur bedroom watching you with those painted eyes, cursing your exsistance. Since you came along Jason hasn't been as friendly you know.

Woody said...

What a nice series of posts and pictures. Thanks!

Jay said...

Fidget, you are so, so funny.

Yes, Pedro does make for some VERY awkward threesomes.

And unlike you who learned the lesson once and for good, Jason must relear the cocoa powder lesson every time I bake, including today when I made him a Boston cream pie. He coughs and sputters and retches, and I tell him, "Dear, you are in for a very disappointing life if you keep assuming that brown=chocolate." Oy.

Ivy said...

hahaha, thanks for the little laughter! Adorable postings! Simple yet lovely.

citygurl said...

dear lord jamie, this are AWESOME! You guys are so adorable!

PS--there are plenty of mexicans south of the border...of canada. I mean, how else do you think shit gets done here in the US??

what is that documentary called: one day without a mexican??--it showed how the US would be devastated if all the illegal mexicans working for pennies left...yeah. what a great country we are.

still. don't eat green banana's. they're gross.