Monday, February 07, 2005

Exhaustion.

Still not sleeping right.

I managed 3 hours yesterday, but they were in the middle of the day, 3-6pm. Actually, make that more like 3 1/2 hours, because apparently I was a little resistant to getting up at 6 when Jason tried to wake me. I don't even remember him coming in, which is not surprising since I've been walking around here like I expect to be crowned Miss Zombie 2005 for the past week, and 3 little hours just don't cut it. Logically, I should have just hoarded all the sleep I could get, but I keep thinking that if I deprive myself during the day, I'll have to sleep at night. Uh, no. Not happening.

On the upside, (and this will only mean anything to Anners), I have been reading a lot of those books you sent over. However, Memoirs of a Geisha probably set be back in sleep because I have been since obsessed with the thought that a man's eel will spit in his favourite dark, warm cave to mark his territory. Gross. So I was thinking, what kind of book will put me to sleep? And then I remembered (can't believe I didn't think of this before!) that there is one kind of book that never failed to put me to sleep - textbooks! I broke my nose like 8 times while I was in University....when you fall asleep holding a 30 000 page hard-covered tome, that's a lot of dead weight smashing into your face when your grip gives way to sleep! So for old time's sake, I got out an old favourite, Death and Dying. Perfect bedtime reading, right? Wrong. Still no luck.

So I got up, but I have this persistent condition that I like to call "Vaseline eyes", and I think you can imagine what that's all about. The world is one big smudge when I'm tired. I'm a bit of a hazard. And my neck is on strike. This morning, it just got fed up and decided that it wasn't going to support my head anymore, so my face went for a swim in the cereal. Perfect. My arms just do not have the strength to shampoo cornflakes out of my hair right now.

So to try to gather enough oomph to be somewhat productive, even for a few hours, I turned on some really invigorating music - Jesus Christ Superstar. I mean, who doesn't like to Windex to all those Hosannas? Except I don't actually have that soundtrack, so I have to sing every verse myself. And believe me, that's not normally a problem. I seem to know a lot of words to religious show tunes for some reason. And I'm a singer for sure, especially while I'm cleaning. But my heart just wasn't in it today. That's how I know this is serious. I mean, for cripe's sake!

I was making out a grocery list, which is one of my most favourite things to do. I love making lists, and I love grocery shopping, and I love love love to cook, so normally when Jason thinks I need a cheer-up, he gets out my grocery list stationary, my meal plan, and any nano-lists that I've got going. But after half-heartedly jotting down a few items, I spaced out, lost 20 minutes that I can't account for, and finally just declared that all I needed was rice. So, I sent Jason out for rice. And Pepsi. When I'm tired I develop an irrational fear of running out of Pepsi (even though all I drink is water, because my stomach can't decide if it's morning, noon, or night). I end up sending Jason out a lot when I'm tired because if he's here, he's snoring. It's like being on a diet and hanging out at a hot-dog eating contest all day long: torture!

Meanwhile, I've been blubbering like a baby at the drop of a hat! Try dropping a hat, it's sadder than you'd think. You'd think that Jason would want to take care of poor me (okay, you may also be thinking that Jason should be kicking me to the curb, but for shit's sake, let's go with the first one), but he doesn't. Yesterday he said to me that I should lie down, we could watch Garden State, and he would brush my hair, which I love. Halfway through the movie, when I was feeling nice and sleepy, he took advantage of me. He gathered up all the blue hairs in the brush, made a big hair ball, and dropped it on my face. I should have realized he was far too quiet, but I didn't. I'm out of it. My reaction time is slow, so I couldn't even swat it away. It got right in my eye and freaked me the hell out. Long story short, 40 minutes later, the EMT guy said my heart rate and bp were slowly returning to normal, and that I should "try and get some rest." Gee thanks.

Another thing about being tired is that it always seems like a good time to drink. And then Wham comes on, puts the boom-boom into my heart, and there's no turning back. Before I know it, I'm waking Jason up at 4 am so we can go get me a milkshake, and he uses the Harry Carey voice at the drive-thru and tells me that McDonalds workers are required to hand you the bag with the big M facing you. I'm easily amused in this state. When I'm not crying, that is.

And of course I'm grumpy as hell. I was in my email yesterday, and saw that the maroon g-mail giveaways was finally gone. Good. Except then I noticed a new box on the lefthand side of the screen: g-mail invites: 50 left. 50! WTF!* So between my 2 accounts, I have 100 invites. Fabulous. The thing is, back when we only had 6, they were trying to make it seem like an exclusive club. Lame. But trying to get me to sign up 100 new members? I don't think so, Google. Do your own dirty work, or else put me on the pay roll. I was so mad, I almost called Jason on the emergency line at his work. I only stopped myself because I thought in telling him about it, I might start to cry again, and I had just ended my 20-minute crying jag from the last time Kristie Alley called me chubby. I mean, lay off, okay? It's really hard to do cardio when you're tired all the time. Gawd.



* Note, WTF will henceforth represent What the Flip?!?

20 comments:

amy said...

You know, I've seen the commercial, and she's called me chubby too ... I just don't think she needs to be pointing any fingers is all. After all, hers are chubby enough as it is.

I'm sorry you're not sleeping, dear Jay, you could've watched the Super Bowl. It might have worked for you. (Actually, it was a rather exciting game ... but if you don't like American football, then you don't like American football!)

BeckyBumbleFuck said...

Oh, Jay. How very upsetting...I don't know how you function *at all* without sleep. I would be a crumpled wreck, and you- you're thinking about windexing?
Well, I can only guess that this is due to some worries that you have rolling around in your head that you can't resolve. Hopefully, this isn't the case...maybe your circadian clock is off?
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bioclock.cfm
(maybe that website will help put you out...) ;)
Good luck, babe.

Phillip said...

what you should get is the soundtrack to the musical starring zack braff called "jesus and the super technicolor dreamvest" that i'm producing off-off-broadway. justin guarini is slated to play the fatted calf.

JeN said...

I've been giving my gmail invites away HERE for the past few months. They kept coming in intervals of 6 every other week or so. Ugh, now 50! Maybe this'll be the end of 'em.

As for not sleeping, if you drink enough, eventually you'll sleep -- or pass out, whatever you want to call it *wink*

"He gathered up all the blue hairs in the brush..."
You have blue hair? That is so awexome! (yes, "awexome" is now spelled with an X. if you are a Home*Runner/Strong Bad fan, you will understand)

Anonymous said...

Man's eel's are bastards.

Jorge

colleen said...

I am offended by the Kirstie alley commercial. Bitch needs to shut it. I've worked hard to get to a size 8 thank you very much - I'm no longer chubby. Don't even go there.

Fidget said...

are you sure you're not pregnant?? I get the same way when i'm pregnant or depressed. Once i realized i wasnt pregnant i went and got paxil. get some darn sleep!!

megingras said...

Need me to bring the kleenex...I'm there with you, Jay
How co-winky-dink..I pulled "Memoirs of a Geisha" off the shelf saturday night in my teary eyed state. I don't even think the bottle of Chianti staring at me will put me to sleep or dry my tears.
And I don't do "JCS" - I sing "a Chorus Line". A good verse or two of "Tits and Ass" cheers me up a bit...

Woody said...

I hear you about sleep deprivation. Working a grave-yard shift does it to me, four hours & I'm up. By Friday the world gets pretty fuzzy, but sometimes I can catch a couple hours before work. I went to see a doctor - he told me to change shifts. All that money spent for a little common sense advice, but I'm not about to find another job. Yet. Good Luck. - woody

transience said...

i find that ovulation, stress and insomnia are a fatal combination. i could have already killed someone but i can't stop crying long enough to find out.

Vics said...

http://coffeebreakarcade.com/games/bejeweled/instructions.html

That's all I need to say chica, after an hour or so playing that addictive game you'll doze right off hearing plinks and plunks and seeing pretty flashing jewels dance before your eyes.
either that or in the classic games category, 'bookworm' or 'alchemy' if I'm having real problems sleeping and I remember - those 2 send me right off.

*big hugs* I recall a very smart woman telling me we all have bad weeks...

random-girl said...

Insomniac? Try reading a book upside down.

Jay said...

Yes, I do have blue hair, for the moment anyway. It's been this way for 2 months, which is about the time that I start contemplating something new.

Yes, I am sure I'm not pregnant.

And thank you all for your wonderful tips on sleeping. I've never had normal patterns, but lately they get screwed up because of my back. I'll have one bad night where I can't sleep because it hurts no matter how many pills I take, and then I try to catch up on sleep during the day, but I am not much of a day sleeper, especially if Jason is at work, so I get a couple hours at most...and it will stay this way until Wednesday, when Jason starts his 3 days off, and we'll sleep all day, which doesn't flip me back to normal, but at least gets me rested up...it's a bad cycle, I know, but what can I do?

Ms Mac said...

Memoirs of a Geisha, I loved that book.
Windexing to music- what a novel idea!
Blue hairball in the face- Ewwww, I have a thing about hair.
Don't cry over the Gmail invites. The world won't end if you don't give them away. The Gmail people might put a spam curse on your email but hey, you have another 100 you can use anyway!

Vics said...

i've sorted the phonecall comp LOL - enjoy...

mojo shivers said...

Have the bag handed to you with the M facing towards you? Hmmm. I'll have to try that one.

My McDonald's story involves the fact I have a habit of drinking things with two straws. I once kept a drive through line stopped because the window jockey refused to give me a second straw. He said it was policy not to give out extra straws and I told him that was just plain untrue. So basically I argued with this guy to give me a straw until his manager had to come to the window. Then I made the manager make his burger flunkie to not only hand me the straw himself but apologize to me.

Two straws is not a big deal, ya punk!

Jay said...

That's awexome, Mojo! Keep on givin it to the man!

Green-Eyed Lady(GEL) said...

Oh, this insomniac who has crazy hrs even when I can sleep, sure feels for ya, but no magic answers. I was going to ask if you were preggo, until I saw that fidg asked. Besides hormone checks, have you seen a dr about thyroid levels or depression, etc?

Stress does it for me combined w/ loving the night as opposed to the day. Good luck in getting your own biorhythyms back to *your norm* real soon! (Memoirs of a Geisha would keep me awake b/c it's a gr8 book! LOL about textbooks.

Pearl said...

insomnia sucks ass. I feel your pain. :(

Ever try Valerian root tea? You can probably find it in a health food store. An acquaintance recommended that to me and he's a chemist so that's gotta be worth something, right?

I find that I prefer the mixed tea of valerian, catnip, vervain, chamomile, etc. from this company: http://www.algonquintea.com/peacetea.shtml.

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