Monday, January 10, 2005


Ladies and gentlemen, that was the sound of Jay taking off her bra.

What a day!

For the past week I have had hardly a moment to myself because Jason has been home. Constantly. In theory, that always seems like a good idea; when I don't see much of him I begin to fancy that I 'miss' him or something, and I think it would be nice to see him, spend time with him, have him around.

Yeah, I should know by now: not so.

There is such thing as too much of a good thing, if it was ever a good thing to begin with. And I say this because Jason was home sick. Jason is the whiniest, most pathetic sick person you will ever meet. I tried to run away from home twice, but the sound of his whines just paralyzes me.

Every ten seconds he emits this tiny little cough to prove how sick he is, but I can tell it's fake. Of course it's fake! And each sniffle he has to magnify ten fold to prove how congested he is, as if this cold has him knocking on death's door.

"Jay, is it time for me to take some more cough syrup?"
"Jay, does my forehead feel hot?"
"Jay, do I look dehydrated?"
"Jay, could you bring me something good to eat?"
"Jay, I can't remember where I left the kleenex."
"Jay, do you think I should take some Tylenol?"
"Jay, do you think a shower would loosen up the phlegm?"

Oh shut up.
There, I said it.

I was sweet and sympathetic and wonderful for the first 3 days, but after that, give me a break.

He's finally out of my hair today, and thank goodness. I don't think I've taken in one full breath since the last time he was at work, and that was 7 days ago! I've been so busy catering to his every need that I haven't kept up with my usual housework or my dedicated 'me' time. Instead, I fluff his pillows, bring him drinks, fetch his warm fuzzy socks because his toes are cold, and then take away the warm fuzzy socks when he has overheated...I give him backrubs and watch dumb movies and quite frankly, I can't stand it anymore. Whether he felt like it or not, I was kicking his butt out of the house this morning.

So of course I spent the whole day scouring the house, picking up trails of his grody kleenexes (if that's not love, I don't know what is), washing 2 loads consisting solely of hundreds of pairs of Jason's warm socks, and I even made him a big pot of swedish meatballs, which would usually mean that I am in store for some big-time lovin tonight, only I'm not sure if I'm too enthused considering post-nasal drip and the dry wheeze of his lungs are not exactly turn-ons for me.

I didn't really get around to the 'me' portion of my day: I didn't go for a walk, or work out, or read any of Moll Flanders, or visit anyone, or even bake. But hopefully after spending 11 hours at work, where no one cares if his toes are cold or his glands feel swollen, he'll come home having completely forgotten that he's been sick, and it will be business as usual.

Unless, of course, I get sick. In which case, I have but one word:


Sweet, sweet revenge.


amy said...

The only thing worse than a guy being sick is his beautiful wife that comes down with the same thing a day or two later. Milk that puppy for all it's worth, Jay.

My husband is the same way (aren't most men?) but if I'M sick ... "oh let's do this, let's do that." Migraine? "Let's hit the mall!" Cramps? "How's about a game of touch football?"

You think I'm kidding. Heh!

citygurl said...

men are the absolute worst when it comes to getting sick. if they had cramps just one time they'd demand to be taken to the hospital because they'd be sure they were dying of some rare guatamalan disease that involves parasites.

good luck, I hope you don't get sick--but at least you'd watch dumb movies that YOU like this time!

Hannah said...

haha, my little 18 month old niece does the fake cough thing when she wants attention.

Anonymous said...

The swedish meatballs were delicious! Also, I don't want to hear from any vegetarians, I'm simply not in the mood. :) I would like to point out the fact that all men are babies when we are sick. I see how that point was made rather obvious in the post, but I feel I have to agree to it, sadly. Ladies, if you need more proof and you don't happen to have a sick man around just watch a little TV, there is a dozen ads filled with crybaby men needing all sorts of heavy medication while the wife runs off to work. Don't you just feel bad for us? Oh right, you don't.

As for my cold, I'm feeling better, I think I'll pull through....this time.

Better get a change of socks *ring ring*


Harry said...

So shoot me cuz I can't get past the AHHHHHH-parts. Yeah, I know...I am so sick. But at least I'm laffing. Way to go, Jason!

Roonie said...

Ah, the beauty of co-habitation with the weaker sex. I can't wait to embark on that journey one day in the very distant future.

transience said...

awww. poor jason. you better watch out when jay decides to give in to the sniffles. heh.

Chick said...

I'm so with you on this! My hubby was sick for days, I even made the whiner soup...& what did he do to repay me? Yes, just like you fear...he gave me the friggin plague!

I'm home from work today for the first sick day I've used as an actual sick day, in over 2 years.

Hell to pay?...oh yes, there will be some of that.

jes said...

geez. i can't wait til you guys have kids!

Jay said...

That would be a train wreck indeed, Jes...only, don't hold your breath!

JeN said...

Pfff... Jay, who says you have to wait till you get sick to seek sweet revenge? Or maybe I'm just evil.
Mwa ha ha ha ha!

-raindrops- said... two are adorable. i sure can feel the love all the way over here.ÜÜÜ

Brandie said...

Uh, yeah. That must be love, cuz you would not see my butt picking up grody kleenexes if ya paid me. :)

I am really enjoying reading your blog, btw. :)