Well, last night contained a lot of the usual up to a certain point: loud music, expensive drinks, getting hit on by guys who have no business doing so. But then, just a little past the witching hour, the DJ changed up, and it was time to go. A bunch of Jason's friends followed.
For security reasons, I am unable to tell you what happened next. Let me just go help myself to a mid-afternoon screwdriver ... okay, now I can tell you what didn't happen last night:
After leaving the above scene, we most certainly did not all end up at some dude's house, not having purchased several grams of the good stuff.
We did not consume it, voraciously, and then immediately decide that pizza was necessary.
We did not attempt to watch Napoleon Dynamite under these 'heightened' conditions, and it was not gut-wrenchingly funny.
No Napoleon-inspired dance-off was then initiated, leaving me to be the judge between 10 guys who should never, ever dance.
Wait, was there a llama in that movie?
Then, we did not venture outside to check out the tupperware under the wheel theory, and we didn't sit in the snow guffawing at the results.
This did not produce an all out snowball war between underdressed 30-year-old kids, playing in the glow of the streetlight, trying to smack each other in the face as hard as uncle Rico's steak.
And we certainly didn't decide that even a dumb movie like Dodgeball would be funny last night. It did not play in the background as a quick game of strip-Twister was played out until someone lost all of his clothes. Then, said Naked Guy did not have the indignity suffered of having his clothing thrown out the window, and having to retrieve them himself, then sit around naked while it tumbled dry.
Goldschlager was not brought out to do shots every single time Ben Stiller annoyed one of us (which did not result in the bottle being quickly drained).
The Goldschlager did not trigger some PTSD in me about the time Jimmy told me that the gold flecks were actually little fish, many of which were now swimming around in my tummy. This hallucination did not trigger a small freak-out on my part.
No sex was had where no sex should ever be had.